The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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