i was born a porn star she said
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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