WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Too much gin, very little bucket
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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