brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
