Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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