I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
