The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
