Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
