you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
