U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
