Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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