Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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