I just cut my nipple shaving
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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