i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
