me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
