its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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