I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
