I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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