She announced her abortion via fbk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
