Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
