In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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