I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
