As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
