why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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