yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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