Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
