people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
