Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
