I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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