And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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