Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need water and some morals
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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