I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
