Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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