Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
