i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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