Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
