My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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