So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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