Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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