like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
