You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
