I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
