Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
