The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
