im drinking this country out of the recession.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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