I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize