nut hugger
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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