Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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