I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
