A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
