I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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