Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your dad touched me again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
