it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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