Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
