I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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