I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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