He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
