On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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