I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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