During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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