Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
