He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
